When is it 'enough'

There is this idea out t here that those of us who suffer from mental illness, don't actually suffer, or that it's our choice to suffer. If only we would get out of the house, pick a hobby or go on daily walks etc that would cure us

The thing about mental illness is that something simple might work for one person, and not the other. We are all unique, we all have the same basic needs, but have different ways of filling those needs.

I've spent years telling myself that I'm not sick enough to actually be depressed, anxious etc. If I just changed this one thing (moving, have a family, start a business, get a new job, start school, quit school, start a new career etc) then my life would get better and I would no longer suffer from low self confidence, panic attacks and depression. None of the above has worked, supplements, new exercise programs etc none of these plans have ever worked long term. Somewhere along the lines I end up overwhelmed and throwing in the towel in an attempt to end the pain.

This attitude we have as a culture that doesn't believe in other peoples painful experiences, that avoids and numbs uncomfortable emotions, that we somehow have to quantify someones experience before we believe that they have a neurological disorder, or a mood disorder is destructive. I certainly hope that this attitude of 'tough it out' goes away, you cannot tough out physical or mental illness without risking your life in the process. Sorry, thats just the way it is.

My mom, has toughed out a lot of infections, my dad tried to 'tough out' serious symptoms of an impending heart attack (it killed him). My family tried to tough out emotional problems and ended up with drug and alcohol addictions.

I've been trying to tough out depression and anxiety, I have done so by blaming outside influences for my problems, I make huge life changing decisions impulsively and the life changes don't actually change how I feel. I have no idea how to deal with uncomfortable emotions, and I'm learning to sit with uncertainty (and being uncomfortable).

It's a hard road, full of bumps and painful self awareness. Today, I'll keep going, for the sake of my family, for the sake of me.